Why Did My Marriages Fail Despite Istikharah?

By Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani

Question:
I am extremely perplexed and grieved concerning my present situation and Shaytan is also attacking me with various iman-endangering thoughts. Please can you answer my following question and put my mind at rest. I married a woman about 3 years ago. I went to see her and everything was done the Islamic way. i.e. I did mashwarah (consultation) and istikharah (and I saw good dreams and my heart felt content.) But despite the istikharah, etc… our marriage broke up after just a few weeks of living together, as it transpired that she was mentally unstable.
I married again this year, this time I was extra cautious and therefore did istikharah over a long period and begged Allah to guide me, as a result of which I saw many good dreams. I also had the dreams interpreted by a scholar who gave me the go-ahead. After that, I consulted with my superiors and they also gave me the go-ahead. But, again, this marriage has broken down in a short span of time.
Why is it that both my marriages have failed (through no fault of mine, I tried my best both times) even though I did istikharah and mashwarah both times and felt content at heart.
Please reply soon and put my mind at rest, I am losing hope and Shaytan is playing with my mind and making me doubt the words of Allah and his Prophet. (na‘uzu billah) Please reply soon. Jazakallah. A distressed brother in need.
Reply:
Istikharah is a particular form of prayer and the preferred way of performing it is that a person offers two raka‘ahs with the intention of istikharah, then recites the du‘a for istikharah which may be found in all books of supplications. The other methods of istikharah which are suggested by some people are not necessarily preferred. So far as the effect of istikharah is concerned you must observe the following points:
First of all, know that istikharah is nothing more than a normal du‘a in which a person prays to Allah Exalted to guide him to reach a right decision. It is not correct to presume that in response to an istikharah Allah gives an answer in the form of a dream. Similarly it is not necessary that a dream is seen after making an istikharah and even though a dream is seen by the relevant person it is not an absolute answer towards a particular direction because dream is not treated in Shari‘ah as a binding proof of something. The expected result of istikharah is that the relevant person himself makes a decision which is good for him in this world or in the Hereafter or in both. But just as the acceptance of other prayers depends on certain conditions the istikharah is subject to those conditions as well. If some of these conditions are lacking, it is not necessary that this prayer be granted
Second, to perform istikharah does not mean that a person abandons all other necessary enquiries. A person must carry out all efforts necessary to reach a correct decision even after making istikharah. If a person is content on istikharah only and does not make the required efforts to reach the correct decision he may fall into error.
Third, in this particular case the reason for breakup of marriages is not certainly known. It is possible that the marriage failed not because the decision to marry that woman was wrong but because the husband could not properly handle the marriage. In other words, it is possible that the decision to marry the woman was correct but the decision to divorce her was wrong.
Fourth, as mentioned in the first point in some rare cases istikharah does not prove to be fruitful in this world but it is certain to be fruitful in the world hereafter.

Triumph on the trail to the glow of Knowledge

By Nur Foundation for Sacred Sciences

When Imām al-Shāfiʿī complained to his teacher Wakīʿ of his difficulty in retaining knowledge, he was given profound advice that would become famous lines continuously echoed centuries later: “Abandon sin. For knowledge is a light. And the light of God is not granted to the disobedient.” Reflected in the wisdom of this luminary’s words, we find a common understanding possessed by the scholars of the Islamic tradition regarding the nature of learning. Namely, that knowledge is a divine gift whose acquisition is facilitated through meeting both spiritual conditions related to the heart as well as practical conditions such as consistency in study. In an Islamic tradition whose foundation was based on learning, there was generally not considered to be a dichotomy between secular and religious sciences. All of useful knowledge was regarded as sacred and its pursuit, an act of worship. Below is a summary of some of the practical steps which lead to success in the pursuit of knowledge based upon the wisdoms of our many great scholars, both past and present.

Valentine's Day

by: Imam Kashif Aziz

As we all know that Valentine's Day is a special day observed on Feb 14. On this day people send greeting cards called Valentines to their lovers, friends and members of their family.

Now, let us take a look at what is the history of Valentine’s Day. World Book Encyclopedia states that different authorities believe Valentine’s Day began in various ways. Some trace it to an ancient roman festival called Luperclia. The ancient Romans had the festival of Lupercalia from Feb. 13th to 15th to honor the god Lupercus. The main attraction of this festival was to hold a lottery to distribute young women to young men for entertainment and pleasure until the next year's lottery. Another despicable practice associated with this day was that young men struck people with strips of animal hide. Women took the blows because they thought that the whipping made them more fertile. Christianity tried, without success, to stop the evil celebration of Lupercalia. It replaced the lottery of the names of women with a lottery of the names of the saints. The idea was that during the following year the young men would emulate the life of the saint whose name they had drawn.

The Purification of the Heart from Pride

By Imam ‘Uthman dan Fodio

Translated by A`isha `Abd ar-Rahman at-Tarjumana

Pride is one of the blameworthy qualities and it is forbidden to have it. Allah ta`ala said: “I will turn away from My signs those who are arrogant in the earth without right.” As far as its reality is concerned, you should know that pride is divided into inward and outward pride. Inward pride is a quality within the self, and outward pride is action which appears through the limbs.

The name pride (kibr) is more appropriate for the inward quality. As for action, it is the result of that quality, and you must know that the quality of pride demands action. When it appears on the limbs, it is called arrogance (takabbur), and when it does not manifest itself, it is called pride (kibr). Its root is the quality in the self which is satisfaction and confidence at seeing the self above anyone towards whom he is overbearing. Mere self-exaltation does not make someone arrogant. He might well exalt himself while seeing that another person is greater than him or his equal. In this case, he is not overbearing toward him. It is not enough merely to disdain others. In spite of his disdain, a person might see himself as more despicable and therefore, he would not be considered arrogant. If someone sees the other as his equal, he is not considered arrogant. He must see that he has a rank and someone else has a rank, and then see his rank as above the other’s rank. When he exalts his own value in relationship to someone else, he despises the one below him and puts himself above the other’s company and confidence. If it is very extreme, he may spurn the other’s service and not consider him worthy to stand in his presence. If it is less extreme, he may reject his basic equality, and put himself above this other in assemblies, wait for him to begin the greeting, think that it is unlikely that he will be able to fulfill his demands and be amazed at him. If he objects, the proud man scorns to answer him. If he warns him, he refuses to accept it. If he answers him back, he is angry. When the proud man teaches, he is not courteous to his students. He looks down upon them and rebuffs them. He is very condescending toward them and exploits them. He looks at the common people as if he were looking at asses. He thinks that they are ignorant and despicable.